For those who may not know what I mean about cocktail, it is a mix of supplements and vitamins that make my life livable. I've only been back on it full time for a few days and already the difference in the pain in my knees and ankles is staggering. Still having problems with my back and my depression, but those are old companions. The biggest difference I'm noticing as we go out to meet teachers and reconnect to the bus driver and so on is I seem to be having a major flare up of agoraphobia.
I haven't talked to Chris about it yet, but I'm going to have to. I thought I was over this. I had a brief, very light bout of it between moving into my first place on my own and living several days without having to go outside before graduate school started. But I almost didn't go to my mother's birthday party because I knew there were going to be people I had never known there. That and the fact that they live in the top townhouse of a duplex sort of thing -- lots of stairs + asthma + holding my breath when I'm in pain = almost not making it all the way up. Which became a whole thing in and of itself.
But I made myself go, so it is very light agoraphobia. And I know I'm lucky I don't have a bigger problem with it. But it worries me, and the more I worry the harder it is to concentrate, because I get more anxious. So the more anxious I am the harder it is to write. Somewhere in all this, I've stopped taking all of my supplements because I was feeling good, and I missed a day, then a week, then a month, and now I'm trying to get back in the habit.
And now that I'm getting back in the habit, I feel so much better. My emotions are more even, what pain I have is manageable.
I just don't understand why I keep forgetting how bad it gets when I start forgetting.